


I almost lost you

by madd09



Series: 30 Days of Madd09 (Supernatural) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30daysMadd09, Confessions, First Kiss, Long Overdue Conversation, Love Confession, M/M, season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15030329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madd09/pseuds/madd09
Summary: Based on the prompt “I almost lost you.” Dean and Cas have been arguing since Cas came back. Arguments that have been going no where. Until Dean finally admits why he cares so much.





	I almost lost you

**Author's Note:**

> I’m trying to get back into writing so I’ve used an old fic prompt list I had saved an a random number generator and I have 30 days worth of fics all will be supernatural with a lot being Destiel but they won’t all be other characters will appear based on the prompt. I’ll post them all with the tag #30DaysMadd09 if you want to track it or search for the other fics. 
> 
> I’m also trying something new so all feedback good or bad is welcome. Writing in the morning much preferred 3rd person. I’ve always tended to write in first person because I love to write introspection but I know A lot of people don’t like 1st person so after ten years of writing here’s me trying to change up my writing style.

Day 1 - 7 “I almost lost you?” 

Dean and Cas had been fighting for weeks. It had started off as slight bickering nothing really out of the ordinary. To full out arguing in front of a suspect during their last case. Sam had made it quite clear to both of them that he was staying out of it. That Dean and Cas had to work this one out themselves. 

And in true Dean Winchester form, Dean had been avoiding dealing with the main reason behind the arguments and it had been escalating to this moment. Were once again they were arguing, Dean didn’t even remember what it was that started the argument this time. But he had enough, he wasn’t going to stick around and have another pointless argument with Cas. 

Cas reached out though as Dean was storming off and grabbed his arm. 

“I don’t understand why you are mad at me Dean?” Cas asked trying to get Dean to stay and give him answers. 

“ That’s the problem isn’t is Cas you just don’t get it. You think your purpose is to fight in this war rescue Jack and look after him that’s all you care about.” As far as Dean was concerned that was one of Cas big weakness he never got it that was his problem

“I think it’s my purpose because it is why else would I have been brought back?” Dean shook his head, Cas really didn’t get it. Dean went to storm off again but then paused realising this was one of those opportunities he has had wished he had taken when he had thought Cas had been lost to him for good. 

“Did you ever consider Jack brought you back because we needed you. Because I needed you jeez Cas I almost lost you. I almost lost you for good this time. We burnt your body and what’s burnt stays gone. I was a wreck without you. What is it going to take for it to get into your head that I don’t care about your powers or your so called purpose or what you can bring to a fight. All I want is for you to stay here to not run off for a so called purpose. I want you to stay here with me.” Dean was breathing heavy after his confession. It had been an incredible long time coming.

“How could I let myself consider that Dean. All I have ever caused is trouble in your life. How could I not think you all would be better off without me.” Cas had stepped back from Dean as he admitted his fears were he felt he actually fit in their family dynamic. 

“Cas how can you really believe that. That’s bullshit sure you have made mistakes but we all have. You’ve also saved us from trouble we have caused. How could I better off without you?” Dean tried to reason with Cas.

“How could you not be better off without me Dean. I’m a failure as an angel, I failed as a human. Honestly besides trying to help Jack not be as much a failure as me what else can I do.” You could see Cas really believed every word he was saying. 

The fact that he truly felt like that broke Dean’s heart made him feel like a failure. How had he not noticed that Cas was feeling like this. Cas was meant to be his best friend and yet if anyone was the failure it was Dean. For not noticing how Cas had been feeling all these years. 

Dean stepped forward and grabbed Cas pulling him into a tight hug. 

“You are not a failure Cas never ever say that about yourself and believe me if anyone knows about being a failure it’s me. I’ve struggled for years with thinking of myself as a failure. I thought I failed my dad, I thought I failed my brother, I thought I failed Bobby, I thought I failed you. But you know what made me realise maybe I wasn’t a failure maybe I had done my best and that what happened was out of my control. You, you made me feel like maybe I wasn’t a failure maybe I was actually doing good in this world because you believed in me. You had faith in me and that’s made me have faith in myself. So now it’s time for me to return the favour, you are not a failure Cas you are one of the best things in my life and I am always worse off without you. I’ve always been too scared to ask you to stay because I thought how could I be enough for you. So it’s my turn to have the faith for both us, Until you no longer feel like a failure.” Dean wasn’t one to make big speeches unless the moment really warranted it and this was one of those moments that Dean knew if he didn’t take advantage of it right now he would regret it later on most certainly. The whole time Dean had been making his speech he hadn’t let go of Cas. He had let go of the hug but only to be able to look into Cas eyes as he spoke moving his hands from wrapped around Cas to his shoulders. 

To try and make sure that Cas really understood how serious he was about everything he was saying. 

“Why would you do that for me Dean?” Cas wondered and that was the million dollar question wasn’t it. Why did Dean care so much, he had two options he could either stick to the old and semi true answer that he had used in the past. That Cas was family true, that he was like a brother to him false. Or he could go with the full truth that Cas was like family but more as a possible love interest than anything like a brother. 

Dean must have been taking to long to ponder as Cas went to pull away from him. Giving Dean a second to make his decision or miss this opportunity. 

So with having no more time to ponder and having to go with gut instinct. Dean moved one of his hands off of Cas shoulder to the back of his neck to pull him into a kiss.

Cas was clearly shocked by Dean’s move. And it took him a second to catch up with what was going on. If Dean was being honest with himself he was expecting Cas to push him away.


End file.
